I used to play games with kids in the therapy room.
And yes, it was fun…sometimes.
Until they switched the rules up on me mid-game.
No warning, no heads up.
They just decided that they didn’t like the way the game was going, so “voila!”
Just change the rules.
Because, you know; that felt better in their young minds.
So I would point it out: I’m confused. We were playing by these set of rules, and now it seems as though they’ve changed.
They would immediately attempt to explain it away: yeah, that’s how I always play. You can do that move because…
Without telling them they were wrong, I would simply point out: “wow, you really don’t like to lose.” Or “it’s uncomfortable to lose, or uncomfortable to even think you are or might lose. You really wanted to get an advantage over me.”
And that was it. I would say nothing else. Just sit in silence. Usually they would change the subject, or the focus would go back immediately to the new-rules game.
I would go with it. However, not without saying to the effect of “I don’t mind playing by these new rules, it’s just important and helpful that I know these rules BEFORE we start the game.”
So when that game eventually ended, we usually would have a time for a new round. At that point, I would seek to clarify and understand that we were playing by this new set of rules: “Just to be clear, we are playing by the new rules, correct?” And they would respond with an emphatic “yep!”
“Ok great, thanks so much for letting me know! Now we are both on the same page!”
That was that.
Except now it seems that the new rules are being unveiled with no explanation. When we finally get the new rules and try to play along accordingly, they’re changed again…and again…and again. It’s tiresome. If that was in the therapy room, I would suggest getting a new game, putting that old one away. It’s time for a fresh restart.
That’s what people are suggesting. It’s time for a new game, fresh restart. No need to keep going down the same path hoping for a different or new result. That clearly is not the case, as the person or persons on the other side of the board simply insist on ‘winning’ by any and all means necessary.
I call a re-do. A fresh start. A new game. I refuse to play this one where I am destined to fail or always be behind, at risk or threat of losing (including my life).
The time is now.